Something has been bothering me… I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but I knew something wasn’t quite right. I was handling everything ok, or so I though… I was taking care of the kids, making sure everyone was getting their share of attention, the laundry was being done, dinners were being prepared. Sure we still had ongoing construction on our house, and we had just done a garage sale in the middle of adding child #7- but something was missing… something felt wrong. I scurried through the day, washing down the counters, picking up the dirty socks that were left under the bed, the school papers were signed, dentist appointments were made, and the dog was walked. Yet, I still felt lost, disconnected. Then ever so gently, I felt Him- that soft nudge. It was almost as if I felt God's hand on my shoulder and I heard his voice say ‘But do you have time left for me?” You see, so often we run through the day filling the hours with so many different things. Those things might all be ‘good things’ or even important things- but none of them are more important than spending time with God. These past few weeks have been great- I had been praying for this for so long. But the one thing I forgot as I crashed into bed each night- was to spend time with God. I was careful to listen to my kids feelings, Todd and I spent time talking with each other, I had met all of Kaden's needs- but I forgot about God. I was so focused on trying to ‘do it all’ and ‘make it all work’ so busy with my plans that I didn’t even look to the one who planned this day for me in the first place.
It amazes me how God will just sit and wait patiently… how He’ll let us try to run around and ‘figure it all out’ on our own- while He waits for us to notice Him. As I fell on my knees before Him today asking for forgiveness- I told Him how sorry I was that I tried to take over and do things my way and I felt the biggest weight disappear off my shoulders. How about you? What are you trying to do your own today? Have you turned it over to Him? God gave me the blessing of this new child- and let me be a part of His plan. He asked me to work with Him raising Kaden (as well as my other children) not for me to try to take over and take on the world on the own. If ‘I’ keep getting in the way of His plan- then what good will that do Kaden or anyone else for that matter?
Philippians 4:13 says “I can do everything through him who gives me strength." So you see, I can do what He has planned for me to do THROUGH HIM- NOT on my own-and that is exactly what I had been trying to do. Even in my best efforts, even with a pure heart- I was trying to do it on my own. That is not what He intended for me to do- not a burden He intended for me to bear.
Lord, help me to take each day one at a time, to look to you when I feel weak as well as when I feel strong. Help me to walk beside you always. You are an open door where we can find comfort, rest, strength and healing. When I get caught up in the busyness of life- remind me that I am not alone. These gifts you have given to me were never intended to wear me down- but to be pure blessings. Help me Lord to be so close to you that you are seen in my walk, my talk, my emotions and in my life. May I be an example of a broken life made complete in you.